Clover Signs from Heaven

             This article was originally posted on September 2, 2011 🍀 We were all very sad beyond words, of course, but my oldest boy was suffering the most. He was the one who found K’s body in the house..... In bed that night, he trembled all night holding my hand tightly. He said to me,    “I can’t close my eyes. I see flashbacks when I do”. He stayed up through the night crying out, “Poor K! I am so sorry, K!.” His words crushed my heart. I,too, did not sleep at all that night The sun rose, I opened bedroom curtains behind a balcony. Snow! Everything was covered with snow! Kansai region where I live seldom gets snow. In fact, it had been several years since the last snow. As I looked at the beautiful snow scene from my 8th floor balcony, my heart started feeling like being reset. Actually, this was the beginning of the signs from K in heaven. My eldest boy woke up much later and saw the snow. He immediately said, “This is K! K showed us...

  This article was originally posted on September 2, 2011🍀 K and his best friend A were middle school classmates. However, they got really close after they graduated from middle school. Here is the story A told me. K went to a high school, within his K-12 program, with most of his middle school classmates. (A decided to attend a different high school) One of his old classmates started bullying K by pulling others apart from him. When K was chatting with someone, the bully would quietly walk over and threaten, "Do not talk to him, he is my friend." He also spread negative rumors about K behind his back. Unfortunately, A was bullied by the same boy in middle school... A said to me "He is very good at manipulating others' psychology to isolate one person. His bullying is insidious." Both K and A were good looking and friendly, they were naturally very popular with girls. It is easy to assume that the bully was envious and jealous of them. I do not think being bull...

  This article was originally posted on September 2, 2011🍀 When K's body laid in state at the funeral home, we had a visitation by his high school teachers. They were the principal, the head teacher of the grade, the home room teacher, and a female teacher I had never met.   While my ex-husband (K's biological father) was talking with them,  I was standing on the other side of the room.   It was very odd when the female teacher fell down and started crying frantically.   I thought in my mind, "Are you being a drama queen? I wouldn't even cry like that."   Standing next to me was K's best friend, A, staring at the teachers quietly just like I was.   When the viewing was over and the teachers headed to the door, A walked over to them and started speaking to them in a serious manner.   A had not known them since he attended a different high school.    I walked closer to hear what he was saying.   To my surprise, A was telling the teac...

  This article was originally posted on September 1, 2011 🍀   On that weekend which was three days before K died, he went snowboarding with my current husband and his friend. (I told them I would rather stay home. My daughter was supposed to join them but also stayed home because she came down with a cold).   When they got back from the trip, K seemed happy and was excited to tell us all about the great time he had in the mountain. During dinner time that night, he was laughing hard at the jokes my husband's friend made.   I just cannot remember anything but K's smiles......   Later, my ex-husband confessed to me that K had been skipping many school days for quite some time. The day he ended his life, his dad scolded him severely  on the phone, for not attending school again. Guessing from the time of his death,  K took his life right after that phone call.   "It's all my fault... Please, please forgive me...", My ex kept on apologizing to me. ...

This article was posted originally on August 30, 2011 🍀 After viewing K’s body, the battle with reality began. What type of funeral? Which funeral home we should book for? We had many decisions.  My husband and my ex-husband, we had never imagined they would meet for the first time in a circumstance like this. Feeling desperate to take K’s body back home ASAP (this is a custom in Japan), three of us discussed hard and decided on funeral details.  To our surprise, we were told by the funeral home that the ceremony would not take place until five days later, and K’s body would be kept with them until then. I was upset we couldn’t take his body back with us, and they did not schedule his ceremony sooner, however, those five days gave me opportunity to mourn. As the result, mourning process calmed my heart a little.  Those five days as a preparation and waiting period, I believe, was the work of K. He orchestrated it for us.  At the funeral home, the resting room in whi...

This article was originally posted on August 30th, 2011 🍀 When we got to my ex-husband's house,  we were told to wait in the car.  K's body had already been moved to the police station for autopsy. My eldest son came to the car and explained the situation to us,  however, I do not remember what I heard at all.  He, himself, was shuttered and traumatized,  he was the one who found K's body in the house..... After waiting a long time in the car,  we drove over to the police station for hearing.  I was the one who wanted to ask them why it happened. Then, finally,  I saw my K's cold body. It felt as if I had been watching a scene from a TV drama. I could not see, think, or fathom anything around me anymore.  I cried and screamed,  holding K's body with all the strength I still had. And, that was the moment, my heart died too.

  This article was originally written and posted in my Japanese blog on Aug 30, 2011🍀 Currently, I live with my second husband and our four-year-old daughter. My two sons, 22 year-old and 17 year-old from my first marriage, were living with their father when the tragic event occurred. On weekends and holidays, my boys would come over to my house to play with their sister. They both loved her so much, especially my second son, “K”. He had a very special bond with her. Three days before “that” day, my  boys came over to spend a night with us. We all had a great time. I saw them off at the station the next day. I will never forget K’s beaming smile as he waved at me going through the ticket gate. His last smile I saw... On the night of Feb 9th, I received a sudden call from my ex-husband.... His trembling voice said, “K committed suicide.” I lost myself and started screaming “What happened! What happened!” My eldest son asked me to get over to their house immediately. I put...

  Welcome to my blog. I am very sorry if you have lost someone you loved recently. I understand how you feel, I have been there....   My name is Lily, and I live in Japan. I am a bereaved mother who lost her 17-year-old son to suicide on Feb 9, 2011.   In the darkest wilderness of grief with no hope, out of nowhere, my departed son started showing me miracles... signs.  I would not have been here, in good mental and physical health, if it had not been for the signs he has been sending to me.   For the past years, I have been jotting down my experience with signs from my son in my Japanese blog, wishing to reach out to those who were in a similar situation.   And with my blog, the miracle has spread throughout.  Hundreds of bereaved parents in Japan have reported to me, they too, started receiving signs from their departed children.   My son uses his distinct and special symbol, a Clover , to let me know that he is alright and always by m...